How to Improve Managers’ Personal Skills
What matters in a business conversation often depends less on what is said than on how it is said. So here are some tips on how your managers should have these conversations with direct reports:
Ask open-ended questions so that they can fully understand their associates’ thinking. Avoid yes-or-no questions. They can do that by assuming that the answer is yes and asking an open-ended question from there. For example, don’t ask, “Did you make the deadline?” Instead ask, “What do you think was the most important factor in making your deadline?” or “What was the biggest obstacle that you had to overcome to make your deadline?”
Listen actively to the response. Managers should never assume that they know the answer or have gotten the whole answer from their associates. Managers should paraphrase the associate’s response back to them to be sure they have heard and understood what the associate meant. They should reflect on the associate’s answer to see what, if any, follow-up questions it raises. Sometimes, a follow-up question can be as simple as asking, “Why?” Keep an eye out for SPAARQ words and phrases – Should Probably Ask a Relevant Question. For example, suppose an associate says their team was “mostly done” by the deadline. The “mostly” should prompt the manager to ask such questions as, “What part didn’t you get done?” and “Why do you think that was?”
Dig deeper by asking follow-up questions that will elicit even more information. For example, suppose an associate says that two members of the team were the main reason the team made its deadline. A manager might ask, “What exactly did they do to make the difference?” and “Why do you think that was?” If an associate says that a factor beyond his team’s control made them miss a deadline, a manager might ask, “What do you think you might have done differently that would have led to a different outcome?” The answer may be nothing. But the point is to get associates to think reflectively on the question. That way, they learn a little bit more about becoming problem solvers even when a manager isn’t immediately at hand. Remember, too, that this conversation should be an iterative process: Managers should keep repeating this pattern: asking questions, listening actively to and reflecting on the answers, and asking good follow-up questions.
Tell the associates about relevant experiences or offer advice. After managers have achieved full understanding of a situation from the associate, and if the associate agrees, managers should tell the associate about relevant experiences the managers have had and/or offer advice on how they have handled a similar situation. Managers shouldn’t leap ahead to this part of the conversation. Instead, they should let the associate reflect on their open-ended questions, come up with answers, and see what they learn through that process.
Another important thing for managers to consider in these conversations is their tone. “Tone” usually means the attitude a speaker or writer has towards their subject as expressed in their speaking or writing.
Tone is an important part of how a message is conveyed and understood. Research shows that of the total impact a spoken message has on the listener, tone of voice accounts for about 1/3 of the impact. Body language, and the words themselves, account for the rest. Because there’s no body language in an email, the tone may account for even more than 1/3 of the message’s overall impact.
Managers should:
Keep their tones neutral and respectful
Use such common courtesies as “please,” “thank you,” and “I would appreciate …”
Begin emails with a greeting (such as, “Hello, John,” or, “Good morning, Sally”) and end them with a goodwill closing (such as, “Thanks for your help” or, “Best regards”).
Use a constructive tone (no blaming or shaming)
Keep their emotions out of their messages (especially anger or frustration).
Keep in mind that these actions are skills that any manager can learn through practice. Following these suggestions in managers’ conversations with direct reports will help ensure better relations between managers and direct reports, fewer errors or delays in work, and better-informed decisions by managers and direct reports alike.
If you’d like to know more about how AlexanderHancock Associates can coach your managers into better relationships with their direct reports, please get in touch with us to schedule a free consultation.
