How to Coach Difficult Employees

Among the biggest challenges you as a manager may face is coaching difficult employees—employees who may seem to have attitude problems. They may act as if everything you ask them to do is a hassle. They may act disengaged. They may even create conflict with others and prevent you from devoting to other direct reports the attention that they deserve. In short, they can create problems not only for you and themselves but also for your team, your business unit, even the entire organization.

But in coaching difficult employees, you must distinguish between personality conflicts your direct report may have with others and actual performance issues—personality traits vs. behavior. You usually can’t affect a direct report’s personality traits—and generally you shouldn’t try. But you can and should coach employees into changing their actions, their behavior, if that behavior is preventing the employee, your team, your business unit, or the organization from achieving their goals.

Moreover, when dealing with behavior-related performance problems, don’t settle for quick fixes or superficial solutions, such as, for example, getting a chronically tardy employee to just agree to be on time. Instead, document and make clear to your direct report the gap between their expected performance and what they are actually doing. Then identify what behaviors they need to change, and how, for them to hit their performance targets, such as improved timeliness, improved quality, or increased productivity. And follow up to ensure that they do.

And here’s the tricky part: Sometimes the “difficult behavior” hides a genuine opportunity. Your direct report may not be meeting standards because they have a good idea that you haven’t acted on or actively considered—they may feel that they are not being heard or valued. So not only are we not enacting the good idea, the direct report may act on those feelings by offering pushback or passive-aggressive behavior, out of frustration as much as anything else. If you think that might be what’s going on, you need to first ask yourself some hard questions. For example, Have I given this person the opportunity to contribute fully toward their individual, team, unit, or organizational goals? Is the issue one of personality or style, or is it something deeper?

You might not have all the answers yourself, which is why you need to have strategic conversations with your direct report. That’s where our Ask/Listen/Tell approach can really pay off.

Step 1: Ask Open-Ended Questions

First, ask your direct report open-ended questions about their behavior, not yes-or-no questions. Remember to ground your questions in documented, observable facts and behavioral language – that is, describe only the kinds of things that you can back up with data, only the kinds of behavior that a video camera might capture if one were present.

For example, Linda, you’ve been late to work six times this month. Could you please tell me what’s causing this?

Or, Sam, your job description calls for you to write six proposals per month, and in each of the past three months, you’ve only generated four. Could you please tell me what’s keeping you from meeting or exceeding your goal?

Or, Stacy, your ideas in the meeting were very good, but I noticed that you interrupted teammates at least six times. Could you please tell me why you’re doing that?

That advice applies not only to what you say to or ask your direct report, but also to what they say. If, for example, your direct report says he is always punctual, ask, Joe, how would you define punctuality?

Look for adjectives in your questions or expectations; you almost always should replace them with specific descriptions of behavior. For example, don’t tell a direct report that you want them to be “more professional.” Instead, request specific behaviors that embody professionalism to you, such as being on time, speaking politely to people, or whatever other behaviors you are seeking from them.

Other open-ended questions you might ask include what your direct report thinks the impact of their undesirable behavior is on their own career and the performance of the team, the business unit, and the company. The goal of these questions is to lead your direct report to reflect on the possible consequences of their behavior in such a way that they can have the kind of aha! moment that leads to permanent, positive behavioral change. 

You don’t want to criticize your direct report’s attitude because that refers to a mindset—and you are not a mind-reader. Focus on objective descriptions of behavior. Also be aware that certain adjectives like professional may mean different things to different people, so that if you ask a team member to behave more “professionally,” they might not respond with the behavior you are seeking. Instead, couch your discussion in specific behavioral terms.

Step 2: Actively Listen

Next, listen actively to the responses. Paraphrase your report’s responses back to them to be sure you have understood them correctly. (Paraphrasing also buys you time to think of your next question.) Ask them appropriate follow-up questions: Keep digging deeper until you are sure you have identified the root cause of the performance issue. Then ask what specific steps your report will commit to take to address the root cause and to return performance to expected levels or better.

Step 3: Tell, Where Appropriate

Finally, where appropriate, you can tell your report about any relevant experiences you may have had and/or offer advice that worked for you in similar situations in the past.

The important thing in this conversation process is to make sure that you understand (and, to the greatest extent possible, address) all your direct report’s concerns, that you understand what’s keep them from hitting their targets, and that you have gotten buy-in from them both on what the problems are and on how they are committing to address those issues (and by when). Only after they have committed to taking actions to resolve the issue themselves, ask what help you can offer. Help where you can, but remember that your direct report must own this performance issue and its solutions. You want to avoid letting your report take their issue and make it yours.

Remember, saying an employee is “difficult” can mean different things to different people. Think hard about what “difficult” means for your direct report in terms of their specific behaviors that they can control and that you can document. Have a strategic conversation (or more than one, if necessary) using the Ask/Listen/Tell approach outlined above.

Learn more about how we can help you and your fellow managers coach your direct reports into improved behavior. And to schedule a free consultation, please contact us today.